What I Didn’t Do

So much.

I didn’t ask for help.
I dropped the ball on my workouts.
I definitely drank and ate too much — or too little — at times.
I got lost in the wilderness and realized how unsafe it was to be lost and completely alone.
I didn’t think about the consequences of being free and driving too fast.
I didn’t filter my words.
I didn’t hold my worth or my value.
I didn’t always speak with kindness or love.
I definitely didn’t love myself.
I didn’t make my sleep a priority.
I didn’t prioritize quiet.
I didn’t bite my tongue.
I didn’t always show up as my best.
I didn’t make the greatest decisions.

And I surely didn’t love myself when I realized all I didn’t do.

We can look back on life through this lens —
the lens of where I dropped the ball, where I didn’t show up — and that’s okay.

I believe reflection is one of the greatest keys to transformation.

However, when we focus solely on what we didn’t do, it becomes laced with shame and guilt.

We judge what we didn’t do so much harsher than we celebrate what we did.

What I did do far outweighs the things I didn’t do.
But we don’t stop to celebrate all we did do.

We just start again.
We create a new to-do list.
We criticize what happened so we can aim higher and do better.

While I don’t disagree — we should always strive for better —
what is better, actually?

What if better was just slowing down enough to be present and celebrate what we did do?

What if it didn’t always have to be more and bigger?

What if we just did things — and laughed, cried, or celebrated those things we did?

As we step into the true new year, I want to offer you this:

You did stuff.
And you didn’t do stuff.

We can hold onto the trophy of what we did
or wallow in what we didn’t do —
but either way, that mindset keeps us stuck.

So stop it.

Celebrate it all.
Celebrate this moment.
Celebrate this breath.

Don’t always strive for better.
Strive for the feeling that is most important to you.

For me, it has been — and always will be — love.

What I didn’t do that truly needs to change
is love myself.

I give away love freely.
I crave to be loved freely.
Yet I often don’t give that love to myself.

Not for existing in the mundane.
Not for the small, quiet in-between.

It’s easier to love myself for the big accomplishments —
but those moments are fleeting.

Because I find myself not loving myself
for all I didn’t do.

So stop it.

Ask yourself:
What is the feeling of me?
Who am I?
What is my frequency?
What is my vibe?

And then do everything you can — in all you do — to be that.

So love.

I love what I did do.
I love what I didn’t do.
And I love the messy in-between.

No one is perfect.
Reflection is necessary —
but not if you’re going to drown in the do’s and don’ts of life.

Reflect to find the vibe.
To tune into your essence.
To stand in your power and presence.
To bring yourself back into alignment.

Don’t do life to not do that.
Do life to be all that you were ever made to be.

Welcome to the Fire Horse Year.
May you simply be a vibe.