Embracing the Journey: From Daughter to Mother
I want to start by saying that I love my mom. Truly, deeply, and unconditionally. But this isn't about her. It's about me, my journey, and the profound impact motherhood has had on my life.
Do you remember when I had Ruby? I cried. Not tears of joy, but tears of fear and uncertainty. I desperately wanted a boy because I thought it would be easier. Boys would love me just as I am, right? But with daughters, it's different. It's harder to celebrate and connect. Yet, almost ten years later, I realized that Ruby was always meant to be mine.
She's my chance to rewrite history, to break the cycle of generational pain and misunderstanding.
Growing up, I often felt unseen and unheard. It wasn't that my mom did anything wrong, per se. She just didn't know how to truly see me. And I, in turn, learned to keep to myself, to not rock the boat. It wasn't a bad life, just complacent—a checklist of expectations that neither of us truly understood.
But as I've grown older and become a mother myself, I've realized that it's not enough to just accept things as they are.
It's not enough to say, "It could have been worse." Because even if it wasn't bad, it wasn't good either. And that deserves healing.
I spent years trying to see things differently, to find the silver lining in every situation. But it wasn't until I allowed myself to feel angry and sad, to grieve the relationship I wished I had with my mom, that I truly began to heal. It wasn't until I set hard boundaries and prioritized my own well-being that I started to find peace.
Being a mom is hard.
It's messy and complicated and beautiful all at once. But the best advice I ever received was my own during a 10-day silent retreat, where I learned that real love is releasing control completely. It's about giving space for discovery and allowing things to unfold naturally.
So if you're a mother, a daughter, or simply someone with a complicated relationship, I want you to know that it's okay.
It's okay to let go, prioritize your own happiness, and watch others become who they are meant to be.
Find your truth, get curious about yourself, and create a life that honors your worth.
Because you are worth it. And so am I.
With love,
Karissa
PS: To the women who aren't mothers by choice or by challenge, I want you to know that I see you. Your journey is no less valid or significant. May you find peace and fulfillment in the path you are on. You are worthy of love and respect, exactly as you are.
My Tips for Self-Preservation:
1. Set Boundaries: Recognize when a relationship is causing you more harm than good and set firm boundaries to protect your peace. I highly recommend doing this with a professional! I got clear with my counselor.
2. Allow Yourself to Feel: Don't suppress your emotions or try to see things in a positive light when they're not. Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, and grief—it's the first step towards healing. Sit with it.
3. Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a priority in your life. Whether it's therapy, meditation, or simply taking time for yourself, prioritize activities that nourish your soul and promote healing. Fill your cup first!
PSS: And to my dear Ruby, thank you for choosing me to be your mom. Your unwavering love and acceptance as I unfold, break through trauma, and heal alongside you is a gift beyond measure. You are my greatest teacher, and I am endlessly grateful for the opportunity to journey through life with you by my side.
